My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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