My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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