ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
