awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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