I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
