Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
