can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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