Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
