I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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