i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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