The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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