I'm gonna have a badass scar
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
