grandma shit on top of the toilet
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
