Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
