I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
