i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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