I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
