Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
