Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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