woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
