His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
