Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize