I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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