hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
