It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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