I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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