i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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