So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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