So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
