Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize