ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
