i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
