i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
