I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
