stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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