I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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