Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
