I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
