please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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