I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
