I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
