she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
