If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
