i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
