He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
