i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
