Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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