her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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