I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
