I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize