It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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