He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Vodka?
Forever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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