ugly people sure do ruin things
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
