its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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