his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I touched a dick in church today
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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