I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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