I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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