But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can text with my tongue
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I fill condoms, not promises.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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