my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
