you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
