I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
