Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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