Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
