she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
