Me. At least after what I've been through.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
