He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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