Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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