Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
