Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
